Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
End
I feel like I need to write this to set the record straight. Sache was a fuck. Or was spose to be a fuck for the night as I was low and outraged that Hanna didn't go to prom wit me and chose to bunk up wit some nigga in the company of her sister being wit some other nigga. Y'all know how that shit go. I fucking hate my fucking life. I hate how damaged everything is because of me. I broke apart my whole family all because of some bitch who was never nothing to me having a baby by me while I was not graduating from high school getting exposed to the beautiful state of Texas child support system. As well as my whole dad and dad side of my family disowning me because I don't want a child by this evil town slore shacne. If me and my brother fucked you, how could I ever have loved you? Or seriously dated you? You know what it was and you chose to take shit overboard when I was just a boy not knowing what the fuck I was getting ready to face. But its all okay because that's life in the ghetto huh? Its normal because my atmosphere was poor right? Poor mind shit right? Fuck that. I will forever hate you for destroying my whole life single handedly. You talk so much shit about me to everybody, turn around and hop on my dick. You can have my bitch ass useless father. Let him father adam all he wants. That bitch ass nigga never was a father to me and I never cried about it like some fucking baby. Even when he told me I wasn't his child in front of my face to his fucking coworkers and even his coworkers were looking like what the fuck. Yeah, ill always remember that precious baseball game that your job gave you tickets too dad. From that day after I cried I never cried about you not parenting me or teaching me anything. More than that I forgave you. N you got the nerve to look down and talk shit about me like you was some great fantastic father. I'm sorry about the 500 dollar child support you had to pay for both me and devinn. Not each, but total. You helped my mom be a lazy sleep drunk while we starved for years wit the lights off and no food in our apartment. I appreciate it my nigga. Fuck you so fucking much though. I will never regret my daughter but Hanna you are a evil deceit demon in disguise. You lie with the most beautiful truths. I can't believe you are what you really are. I still love you that's the sad thing so I'm not even gonna go on about your personal faults. I guess I shoulda pressed charges last time you tried to kill me huh? L'eau you know your dad loves you and I know you love me and are proud of me and hurt without me when I'm not there. But your mom wants to listen to her friends, fuck other niggas, ditch you for other niggas whilst she doesn't really even love you at all. When you were born all she talked about was how much she hated you. But she won't give you to me and the state of Texas won't either because I'm a black male and they don't you to have a father. They just want your mom to receive child support money from me. Word to court next Tuesday. If I don't succeed at killing myself before the court date I will come see you when I'm out of all this one last time. I'm such a fucking failure I hate myself so much. I just want to bang my head against a wall til blood spews out like a juice dispenser. I can't take life anymore. Like Hamlet, I have to choose between life and death... and I'm choosing death. I'm so distraught I can't even write everything I want to say because so many painful memories are coming to mind that I want to express but its too much. I'm sorry to my brother I always loved you. I know you will make it through without me and become a rich billionaire as you should be. To Ashley, I've never felt love from you a day in my life. I know you always saw me as a nasty disguting discraceful half brother. I love you mom but I can't bear disappointing you anymore. I don't want anything from you. Not money not even a place to stay. I always been fascinated by you and your graceness. I love you so much I can't stand it sometimes because I am nothing more than what you are. Looks and everything. I'm tingling while typing this I have to find some paper to write a letter to my daughter. Devinn I want you to give it to L'eau when the time is right. I could just ramble on about fuck this and that and how much I hate this and that but you get the fucking picture. As far as music, I hate it. I hate this world. People don't appreciate shit. I wish I had the personality to market myself so correctly but I don't I don't care. Cause I don't want fake love. Never have and never will. I'm tired of typing on my phone so this is the end. Goodbye
Friday, March 16, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
truly girl. baby.
it is what it is tho. and the future is set in stone. so all i can do is get stoned. and more internally, move on. we lost interest and hope in each other. Your too credited for others and I just cant let things go. Guess thats just my opinion tho. but no matter what I think about it, there's no turning back. I miss you. but i miss being in love with fully and not just from afar. Life tho. Pretty girl.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
I am truly ready to die. I wanna talk to my grandpa. I feel like such a fucking asshole for not listening. I'm sorry Bubba. I was just a boy. I miss my cousin Keyanah. She died at 16 in a fucking car crash right before the summer time when I would go out to the country to see her and my other cousins. As well as my cousin JR who just a cool spirit. Got hit by a fucking 18 Wheeler tripping out on sherm. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I'm sorry. I miss y'all. I'm sick of not forgiving myself.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
journal entry
im sitting in my favorite pajama pants next to my lighter with unruly thoughts on my mind. yet to mention im weedless tonight. i just wish i coiuld wake up and not be doing music. its driving me crazy. im not tryna figure nothing out. as far as im concerned im too good to be on top. i have no hype. hype is what everything is. my life is messed up from so many ways im sick of it as well as myself. i cant change the past only the future, but you can never change whoevers plotting against you. now i see why he say "YOU PLOTTING ON ME BOY" hahaha. major payne man, laughs. iono wassup with me man i dont have that groupthink mentality. i sit at home and listen to nirvana. thats my favorite band. incubus has been pushed back a little further now. guess they're second. i been listening to alot of em lately as usual and cudi and chip. tight. not too far out of my limit. its only a few artist i can enjoy. its not that alot of people arent talented or creative but i dont like you niggas. and whats what is what. what can i say. i really dont like you niggas. like none of yall. the camp tells me i need to clean up my image and dress certain ways but i look at these posers out here and niggas is ugly. ugly as fuck. they all look the same. everythings about substance abuse. i mean i do my drugs too but fuck. my music isnt a bunch of different ways to tell you how i get high. thats my business if i wanna get high anyway, not yours. nor my fathers. really im ready to try heroin. i feel like ive already done it with some of the ways i've been tripping out in my mind seeing visions. but im ready now. that might not be so pretty to some of you, but whatever. i need to escape. tryna get a grip on life and faith is hard den a bitch. my favorite set of words. damn i curse alot. fuck.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
wassup
letting go and letting God. Used to hate when i heard people say that, but thats actually what i'm doing. im on a pursuit to get my life back on track fully. getting this music shit poppin in every way. working to get my personal life under control day by day. whatever happens happens tho. its my battle, my fight. im in this alone. not dreading tho, just accepting. the show last night went great. Gave me another much needed taste of what my life is gonna turn into soon enough. theres video. it'll be up soon enough. I really like the way I was treated last night. Prolly i overdose liked it cause I've been getting treated so badly by people in my actual life. Soon enough every person i don't want even knowing my name will be out my life. I'ma handle it mayne.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
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