Relationship Euphoria

I don't know whats been up lately. This day i'm up, Next day i'm down. Last night i found myself smoking with a couple bitches.. Thinking to myself, why am i here.. I was kind of happy when one of thee girls boyfriends came so it was less awkward when i left haha. But my point is, i put myself in situations around people i don't really wanna be around just becuase i'm single. I be feeling like a guinea pig who's been trapped running in thee excerise ramp, but now that i'm off.. I have no clue what to do in my little box which is Houston. I ask God questions and usually don't understand the answers. I really don't want my ex girlfriend back, and i don't wanna dwell on what shit could have been. Mostly because i need to worry about my future, thats what matters most. It also hurts most that i never got support from her. No encouragement, just discouragement telling me my shit aint good enough. Giving snobby looks when i would play my songs. Pissing me off, pulling wild stunts when i have a show to do that night. Alotta uncalled shit mayne. Then on top of that, being abused psychially, lied about to other people, lied to. I'm pretty sure she's cheated on me more than once, but she's "oh so perfect". At least thats what she wanted me to think. N it was't even that i believed her, i just didn't wanna face reality. I been smoking weed alot lately, not on no cool shit.. But on some i needa escape reality shit. Thee other day, my mom told me my little cousins was bashing me about my music shit, Little cousins dawg. So much hate from my fam, it honestly kind of hurt me for a second. But then i had to remember, thats spose to happen. They spose to not believe in me, They spose to hate my dreams, Try their hardest to kill my self-esteem, People spose to diss my songs, They spose to look at me like "this fucking guy".. It's meant to be, I don't deserve the love.. Yet. Once that inch of fame come, my phone will be blown up, then everybody gonna act like they was always there for me. Bullshit, the niggas thats spose to be my team not even fucking with me 100 percent. I mean, i know people got problems, but i got bigger problems than alotta these niggas n i'm still doing all thee work. I'm writing my songs, i'm finding my beats, i'm booking my shows, i'm doing my shows, i'm networking, i'm getting out my comfort zone 95 percent of thee time. I don't even ask much of niggas, and they can't even do or offer to do anything. SMh...