The Warmth

Another day of boredom, loneliness, and captivating negative thoughts are numbing me to the point where I can't see.. But the debris of this place here, Isn't the only where weather is fierce. A place with rain is only a place. Meaning there's sunshine somewhere else along the road. I see with the positive light of my problems which are that they make me think bigger. Like I have too. I can't think about the easy routes, and the settling life. I need alot just to remain in this world alive. Alots been taken out of me, but there's life in near death. I realize experiance is your biggest want. It can leave you. We just want to experiance things. I know what i've been exposed too and how much weight i've applied to myself based off thoughts of imaginary pressure, worries, and intense self-loathing. I feel change. I feel revelation within myself. I feel coldly alone to the point my skin bumps up. I wake up everyday with thoughts of why am I doing this to myself. This is not you. Trying to convince myself that everything i've ever believed in has no meaning. Although, in all.. I know that it does. Maybe it's just the consequence of new journey or maybe it's just part of the process.