Realizity teaching

I have to announce that i am off binging. haven't smoked in a couple weeks now. I have been drinking a bit more, but i'm stopping that too. No more sex unless it's with my wife. No more denying the lord and the help. I'm going into abstinence cause disease isn't something i'm tryna come clean with. I have to slow down, i've got it all. I've gotten to choose any girl i've ever wanted. I've done alotta drugs. I don't need a buzz no more. I been in a cloudy haze and haven't been thinking straight. I'm drinking more water. I'm thinking more optimisticly. I'm looking more beautiful daily. Until a new girl comes along I can cherish and be faithful too, i'm deleting meaningless entries. I'm going into working out. I'm going back to basketball. I'm going back to track. I'm looking to stay working, for financial and music. I haven't been thinking, it's been a few bad thoughts here and there, but i'm okay. I see the sky, the future, where i'm at and where i'm going. I'm no longer going to watch. I'm going to enjoy. I'm going to live my life and stop punishing myself for the unchangeable. I'm going to see my daughter. I'm going to see my son. I feel more clear. I'm becoming water. I have no form. I overcome what everything is. I have been numbed by countless days of pain, hunger, and lust. I have not let the flow of life take place. I've tried to force the "my way" and that has been a fail. I have no idea what i'm doing at any time and I accept it now. I'm growing. Prolly why i take punches from these serpents tongues so well. I realize my life is on a bigger scale, I really have to be an example. I don't want to be in that stoner rapper lane. I think, and i think alot. Thinking is painful, but good. You have to stay on your job at all times. I'm not saying i'm quitting weed, but i'm quitting needing it. Just really learning about life. I will forever speak my mind, but I feel this binge phase of depression is over. I want change, so i will give hell until I get it. Not saying I don't get hurt by what I see... but certain things are being left behind for a reason. Sooner or later it'll be so far down the road that I don't feel it no more. I want to become man. I'm treating music as business now, not some crybaby talent show. I've ran a mock, I appreciate everybody whose fucked with me thus far, but I can't stay poor. I'm done being poor. I'm done with people being in control whether I eat or not. I'm done with hiding food so I can possibly get more tomorrow. I know that doesn't make sense but you have no idea what I go through. I'm done with these leeches. Don't take from me tis is what we can grant each other familia. no no negate, hello positate. positive, gimme gimme gimme. gimme gimme gimme