Truth

I'm meant for inspiration. I want my music to inspire people. If I die tomorrow, i know i'll end up in Gods house.... he'll probably send me back here in another shape or form to complete my mission and journey. When I first started rapping, I did it to make myself feel better.. Not for attention or fame or money, but everybody around me turned what I wanted to be pure and honest to a business plot. It fucked me up experiencing the things i've experienced in these past years since 17. When everything really started having a turn for the worst and I was exposed to some of the nastiest human beings and situations. It just turned me cold. My father disowned me because of choices I was making and how I was handling situations. I just always thought how could I help someone else if I can't even help myself. ALOT of people gave up on me after Veeology came out and I didn't instantly blow up.... Since I didn't get signed people lost faith in me and what I wanted to do with my life. I was alone. My brother was gone away in the navy and I was battling depression. My first suicide attempt I took 30 ambiens and woke up to bout 10 blue paramedics waking me up pulling me out of my bed, telling me to stay awake. I was drifting in and out of consciousness I was at peace until I woke back up in the hospital after my stomach got pumped. I wasn't looking for attention. I just wanted to go see my grandpa, and God. I felt like I was done here. Sometimes I feel like I can tell the future. I knew Hanna would eventually bring me mre pain and stray away to other people after our daughter was born, even before. She messed with a few people while pregnant, which fucked me up. She would never tell me the truth about what she really does. Darkness comes to the light though, always. Even for me. Not understanding and dealing with what everybody wanted me to do musically just changed me. She made me hate Veeology being that she put a negative connotation to the cd, but it wasn't a negative cd at all. I talked about her the whole cd. Weird... I felt myself lose myself then. I was more popular at the time and she hated that. While I was doing shows and whatnot tryna create new music, she would always interfere. Wanting to keep the love of my life I tried to please both her and fueling my dreams. She was mad jealous. Mad, Jealous... Which in turn changed the person I met at the park. So, knowing and watching my relationship die... I started seeing more and more other girls in search of some love, but it wasn't love. Every girl just wanted to fuck me or fuck with me because of music. Self sabotage started then. I started getting more high and was more broke then I've ever been. Back then, when I was selling drugs I always had money. But one day, I didn't want money anymore and felt selling drugs just wasn't what I wanted to do or be. I was proud of myself for that because I was only in that lifestyle because times were hard.  My mom wasn't working and we had rent due every month. So me and my brother did what we had to do. My mom didn't start back working til I graduated high school and by that time I was so fucked up from seeing death and my friends get knocked It just wasn't worth it to me anymore. I gave it up, I was happy my mom came out of the deep depression she was going through. I remember my dad wanting me and my brother to come live with him, but I wasn't about to leave my mom. Like fuck that. She coulda ended up really bad at that time, homeless or some shit. Fuck that. She finally found God and things started going more well for her after she just got out there, paid her tithes and tried. God has gave her alot. I love her so much. I love my dad tioo, regardless of everything. I'm used to walking alone. Only friend who stayed true to me and stayed by my side is Kevin. He helped me out so many nights and times. I would be at his crib like I fucking lived there! haha crazy man. I didn't like the way my music changed and wanted to stop rapping. It sounded too hardcore to me, and I knew this public wasn't with that. Everybody is so happy and I couldn't be happy so how could I make pop? Iono... Kept going, more and more I just wanted to quit music.... More suicide attempts. Looking for heroin, but not having any luck with that. Now i'm 22 going on 23 in February and i'm still in the same spot. People ask, why you not signed yet? Well, this game is about who you know, not what you sound like. For some reason, people don't like me. I've had more people try to knock opportunities away from me then give them to me. I know i'm a dead man if I stay in Houston. It's only a matter of time. If I leave, there is hope for me. The world is different. California got so much love and open hearts. I think thats the place for me. Somehow, someway I gotta get over there to grow.