journal entry

im sitting in my favorite pajama pants next to my lighter with unruly thoughts on my mind. yet to mention im weedless tonight. i just wish i coiuld wake up and not be doing music. its driving me crazy. im not tryna figure nothing out. as far as im concerned im too good to be on top. i have no hype. hype is what everything is. my life is messed up from so many ways im sick of it as well as myself. i cant change the past only the future, but you can never change whoevers plotting against you. now i see why he say "YOU PLOTTING ON ME BOY" hahaha. major payne man, laughs. iono wassup with me man i dont have that groupthink mentality. i sit at home and listen to nirvana. thats my favorite band. incubus has been pushed back a little further now. guess they're second. i been listening to alot of em lately as usual and cudi and chip. tight. not too far out of my limit. its only a few artist i can enjoy. its not that alot of people arent talented or creative but i dont like you niggas. and whats what is what. what can i say. i really dont like you niggas. like none of yall. the camp tells me i need to clean up my image and dress certain ways but i look at these posers out here and niggas is ugly. ugly as fuck. they all look the same. everythings about substance abuse. i mean i do my drugs too but fuck. my music isnt a bunch of different ways to tell you how i get high. thats my business if i wanna get high anyway, not yours. nor my fathers. really im ready to try heroin. i feel like ive already done it with some of the ways i've been tripping out in my mind seeing visions. but im ready now. that might not be so pretty to some of you, but whatever. i need to escape. tryna get a grip on life and faith is hard den a bitch. my favorite set of words. damn i curse alot. fuck.