Death. Not A Downer. Honest note.

I don't want to leave u all ona lost note. I personally am not happy here anymore. I wasn't always a suicidal death rocker. I usta be really happy, joyful, and even playful. Comedic actually. But some of the people i've allowed in my life have took that bright side away from me leaving me in the shadows of my room. Distant from the world in a mad panic. Ya, know. I often hear think about how your death would affect other people... but nobody really gets how my life going on is affecting me. The Japanese commit suicide when they bring shame to their families and I TRULY understand that. I feel the same way. I've brought shame to myself and my family. For that, I can't stay on this earth much longer. I will not be in court August 18th for these bloodsuckers to ridicule me. I will be peacefully in rest from my human form. I will watch over L'eau from inside and the skies of the heavens. Whichever dimension I land in. I love you L'eau. Be strong enough to know to make the right decisions in life. I'm never going to say anything about your mother to you. Cause that is, still your mother.. And I hated whenever my dad did that to me putting thoughts in my mind. Be strong my baby, be strong. Get out of Houston and don't ever come back here. Go to NY or LA and live real life. The country is not for the advanced, and you are highly advanced my child. You are better and smarter than me in every way. I'm happy I made you and the soon to come passion instored with you will make you great. You will be fine. If you ever miss me, just look to the stars baby. I will be there watching you. Don't EVER do anything you don't want to do in life. Life is amazing and precious, but there are rules and boundaries to keep your sanity and happiness. Don't play with fire. And stay away from drugs. Do not be like me. I miss holding you through the night and waking up to you smiling in my face until I awake. Just laying there so peacefully. That was the best times of my life just being with you. Seeing you smile, sing, and dance with me. I love you so much baby. I miss being me. Miss playing basketball all day and night after school just thinking about escaping Houston when i'm old enough. Everyday I just thought about making better for myself and getting out of this rotten state. I usta put my all into practicing just to become good enough to play get recognized and get a way out. I never saw my life like this. I didn't know people could be so evil and plot on you, ya'know. It's crazy man, but truly said The miserable love company. My friends tell me rap is my way now, but that's a sad life as well. Money aint and never will be shit to me. If God doesn't understand that then so be it. But I have to do what I have to do. Be peaceful, and much love... Vanny.