Illumination.

It's amazing how much growing you can do in such short time... I know I never woulda been the partying, club, hit the bar type of guy so staying home alot was already my normal lifestyle. I like closed out spaces, where I can think and chill. I watch alot of movies of which I notice my life in, and where I want my life to be. For awhile, I wanted to hold my childhood inside of me.. But the light has shown it's bright face. I'm not a boy anymore. I'm not a man either, but it is time for me to be one. Whether i'm 20 or not, it's time. My mom is so amazing to me. It hurts me to think that i'm getting older and one day realisticly i'm gonna have to watch her die. So I fear.. I want to spend as much time with my family as I can.. But ultimately I have to hit the roads, chase these dreams which are becoming false realities. I know alot more than i've ever learned in more than half my lifetime. It's my turn to be the parent now, the brick wall, the floatie to my daughter... and the Beast of my family. I know people I care for depend on me to make this shit happen, tho they don't tell me directly becuase they don't want me to feel that pressure.. I know.