I'm always

going through changes. Changes that change themselves right back, kinda like a reflecting mirror. The distored image is just boring to me now and the shell of personality just wants much more experiance.. Aside from love distraction and the emotional rollercoaster of being "Home". A sight to see isn't that so farfetched. One day is the most awesome day ever where all of my dreams are met (except financial lol) and the next is just existing. Hmm.. How too, kill all of this time? Is it that YOU are waiting on I? Or am I waiting on thy.. chance.. opportunity.... stage... stages.... who knows where the castles grow or where the grass begins. I singe, and cringe at defeat. Feeling like a child or nursed drugbeat. I really mean drugbeat, sober is what eats me! eh. Beats me, beat me, I beat the suicide... Haven't been having those thoughts... got my ged... ha, one goal i've knocked off the list. (College next) A job? maybe after this weeks trip to atl and cali, but who will hire young fire? It felt like at my last low paying job that i had to play a roll and suck up to the boss. Like play like i had no ambition, once they found out i did music it was all over with.. Wonder why? Do I not have hunger? But oh I forgot this is childs play... Just ina grown up way. Fuck love. Fuck Hanna, I was being faithful to you bitch. Got niggas telling you y'all getting married, fuck outta here and away from me with your lies. Stupid bitch. I'm not even mad, it's just like.. Why lie to me. Ya'digg. You wanna go, go. I'll breathe okay still. Leading me on is what pinches me though. So that's why it's been like fuck you, bitch. Fuck I need to be nice for. I guess replacing me as a father would be the smart thing to do. Seems like these people are just waiting on my next move, friends waiting and kicking at my death clock, rap fucking sucks, i hate rap, i hate imagery, i hate megalomaniacs. I'll do rock music. So i can just be what the fuck i wanna be, and thats me. Fuck clicks, groups and all that other bullshit. Life sucks yo, you gotta brand people in this rap shit. Fuck that, i don't want slaves, i just want you to be free. Rap is ridicolous or maybe i'm just an over sensitive jealous zealot prude who has no fun. Yeah, I have no fun.. Ever. Not anywhere, not nowhere. Performings prolly the only thing, but i'm not even doing the music I really wanna be doing. Sucks being broke becuase equipment is expensive, ahh. Who cares? Nobody, but me anyway. Seems like. ah, what am i saying.. Everythings colorful and beautiful, Forgot I had to keep it that way.