12:33 am

Deadlines and a headrush... panic attacks, a couple blunts, suicide planning, and job hunting. I prolly quit like 3 jobs in the last week. i'm dumb. but i figure whatever you stick with your stuck with for now and i got too creeped out by the typical family member job situation. uhh... no no... I feel like a ghost playing the role of Austen and Van Solo. Austen is facing jailtime and courtdates, Van Solo is facing crowds and work on the album. First time at this business thing, i need to watch mroe cnbc or something. I need a way to joke about things like the comfortable people in this world. In need a fucking lawn. I wanna mow my lawn, i need a lawn. This period in my life is up to the gods to be a phase or lifelong struggle. I'm trying my best just to make this shit a phase. Maybe not my best, but my best while depressed. Fuck, yuck. Sun wraps really is good chemical treatment for my brain though. It helps me remember who the fuck I am. Ode to weezys line "okay, they want me in a cage then i'll come out in beast mode". I feel you my nigga. Bars for bars huh? Raps crazy. No I mean lifes crazy. 3 am music is that shit. Just had to say it. "August 13th, 1991 Ft. My Mom" is that shit. but whatever. i'm out for the night