Figured out my insecurities

Ever since i figured out i was alive, i've always been tha last one to get something.. I was never anybodies priority, nobody ever cared about how i felt in situations, they just treat me like i'm not even a person.. I been feeling alienated ever since i was born.. Somewhat of a outkast, but not as much as that, it's more than that. My family always treated me different from my brother n sister. My brother n sister got everything they wanted..anything they wanted my parents got, no questions asked.. But when it comes to me, it's like "whutever, he don't need that". Both my brother n sister got cars when they graduated, when its my turn, it was just like ghost season or some shit cus i aint get shit. N tha fucked up thing is that, my brother fucked up his car multiple times n my pops fixed it for him like that same week.. My brother fucked up his car again n my dad aint fix it again. So after a long ass time, he tells me i'ma fix it for you to help you move around with your music shit.. Hmm... Haven't heard from this nigga in months, smh. Like damn, am i really that bad of a person that i don't deserve nothing, if i was my brother or sister than i woulda been had it. But since it's me, it's like fuck that nigga. Wtf man, n people wonder why i seperate myself from them, cus i'm not like most, i never had shit, i'm grinding for mine, nobody helps me out with nothing, i'm really feeling like niggas just be using me to get where they wanna be in life without working for it while i'm working hard as fuck n getting nothing in return.. I mean, people tell me i'm nice which is great, but then people be like don't get big headed, & i'm thinking, fuck i'ma get big headed about, yall mothafuckers don't know tha bullshit i go through n deal with, with stupid mothafuckas who've entered my life. smh. Den like lately, shit been happening like damn, i'm doing everything n i'm getting nothing..while niggas shining in my face like damn, how you gone stunt on me & we spose to be cool..smh. Situations like that in my past, growing up, till thee current make me feel like i'm never good enough at what i do.. Thats why i never know how good my shit is, i always doubt myself, n feel like i gotta do more cus i feel like what i previously did wasn't good enough.. my insecurity is high as fuck & it sucks cus i don't wanna be this way, but i can't help it.. I think i'ma just stop fucking with everybody, keep it bussiness with thee people i'm in bussiness with cus friends must not be real, & just roam with my mom n gal.. Well.. off to thee batcave i go