I hate this month

Prolly should of did this post thee first day of may, but been busy. Okay lemme explain why. I have bad memories about this month. Nightmares, ghost, & demons got me this month last year. This is thee month my whole life went wrong. I slept with this girl when i was really high n pissed off at my gf for not going to prom with me.. No lemme explain. My gf at thee time [hanna] didn't wanna go to prom with em, so thee prom night, i didn't have any fun cus i wanted to be with my gf, thee girl i love, so i was pretty much depressed thee whole night there, being alone, while all my other friends are with their gf's/bf's or whutev, shit really hurt.. Then after the prom, i tried to go see my girl, but she aint wanna see me.. Come to find out, she fucking with some dudes with her sister, aint no telling wtf she was doing..smh. So bassicly, i'm feeling really low about myself so i smoke a bunch weed with my "friends" or some niggas i knew..got some bad advice while i was high as fuck n then went to go fuck this girl i knew n which i used to be friends with..smh.. bad decision.. [which really hurts me inside till this day, smh] Comne to find out she gets pregnant n decides to keep it. Telling me, "i don't need you nigga, blah blah blah, but all i was tryna do is tell her im not ready to have no baby, & you not proving anything to anybody by having a baby. But she kept it, on some..i dont do abortions type shit, but she's had an abortion before..smh. So i'm bassicly fucked for thee rest of my life. I had a baby with a fake chick who i have no feelings for, who took thee love of my life away from me, who lies to me about having feelings to dudes she messes with, etc.. Like how can you be so evil & live a lie everyday. How do you expect me to feel for a kid when he was made in vain? Why is my last name being used to make my ex girlfriend & her sister mad becus yall don't like each other. [Like i didn't know smfh] Why are you running around using my name in vain? So you can feel good about yourself? These questions hurt my soul n piss me off everyday. N i said, makes my ex's sister mad because thee dude my sons mother is actually in love with, she was dating him.. so i guess to spite them, i get a baby..or a child support case, whichev.  How can you have a baby for no reason? You should wanna cherish that with somebody you love..smh Thats what hurts thee most, cus i'll never have that. I lost my love, i've lost everything.. I made a mistake, but damn.. i was justa foolish young boy & shit went all wrong. I'm still young, but my mind is different now. I'm only 19, i been through more shit than anybody can imagine..my lifes fucked up. Tryna stay positive isa struggle, but i stay strong. I really have nobody. I'm single, not looking. All i have is music, & everybody n everything wants to take that away from me. Smh. I know GOD got me tho, thats thee only reason i'm still here, he sending me blessings everyday, i'ma get my deal really soon..then i'ma be gone far away, hopefully i can just make dope music n move on with my life. I want custody of my son tho, but i'll see how that goes. [p.s...it's wayyyyyyyyy more to this bullshit, but i'll prolly do a part two when i'm actually awake, i'm tired..been in thee studio all day n other things, haven't slept yet n it's 8:00 am. I'm getting sick just writing this shit tho, it's heating my chest n bringing bad thoughts n memories back, i'm tired of being haunted smh]  Hanna, if you ever read this, i love you. Always. N when it's time for me to leave Houston for my journey, i'm always here for you. i love you. damn....