Lotus FLOWER

I will beat this, this I will beat. See, when I smoke my weed i'm super geez. When I don't have weed and i'm lonely i'm downing outtt. Ah. Enough is enough. Fuck it. Fuck the past. Fuck the ties. Fuck the memories. Fuck the coulda hads. Fuck what we had. Fuck what I don't and can't have. I decided to dele my facebook today. Only the Van Solo page will be up. I wanna delete my twitter, but i'll just let somebody else post for me from now on. I just want to focus. I don't want bad thoughts roaming round my brain anymore. I got bigger fish to fry, ha. I'm worried about my daughters safety and upbringing. Really been bothering me lately, just feeling like somethings wrong. And when I went to go see her, I felt like dangers around. Especially with the way she stared at me. For I can't save her now, but I will. I just needed her to see that she's on my mind just as much as i'm on she. No fucking around baby. I got aids tested today and it was negative. Yay for caring about your health. Go get tested if your reading this, don't be a ho spreading viruses. Yo, we ina war! We ina war! As screamed from the revolutionary Campbell ha. I want to change my whole name, I forgot about some hidden punches from the past that was brought up to me the other day, ha. People are sick and i'm done with them all. The sun is dark, my eyes are bright. I just want to create my own world where i'm only hurt by me since I truly am my own enemy. Make love and compassion. If I don't have you in my life anymore it's because you aren't suppose to be here. I'm too old for friends ha, I tell myself all the time. It's all business and priorities baby. Ahh, i'm tough n shit right now, but later I might be worrying outta my mind and crying for Anika. Oh, how I put myself in dumb situations. Everybody knows how hard it is to reach me, but i'm really wanting to get back in-touch with my true self. I had it, but I went back to the past for a couple months and everything just got back fucked up. I messed my own strength up and didn't stand my ground when I should have because I knew these days were coming. All good baby, i'm fighting again for the natural feeling. Once I get it, i'll be... Goooooooooooooooooooood ha