Realizity

I just realized that everything that's happening is what I wanted to happen. I wanted to be away and alone so what am I crying and worrying for? I'm not for people. I'm suppose to be alone. All along, I knew this. I let you in, no.. You got in... Some kinda way and took the life outta me and i've been dead ever since. Crazy convo with my brother bout how I used to be and how things were. I didn't care back then and I really don't now. Just ina different way. I said i'm not gonna live past this year many times, many times. Whether I kill myself or not, somethings gonna change. As beautiful as this hole is I needa climb out. I make mistakes. I act carelessly. I get drunk and pass out. I smoke weed damn near everyday to suppress pain, not pleasure. All this circle hasn't done shit for me. I'm alone with everything i'm tryna do. Houston apparently hates me haha and my music which is CRAZY. Compared to all the wack artist out here "putting on". It's funny. I hate the rap game, everybody you speak too or meet is a career move. I have no way to keep up with everybody and what everybody is doing. And I don't support wack shit, alotta niggas who "rap" "make music" just fucking suck. Why would I when i'm giving my all and heart, displaying emotions that only make me get deeper into every feeling I have support you and your fake bullshit. Niggas aint stressed. And all they understand is my dope "beat selection". Lets be serious, I fucking hate clothing brands, megalomaniacs, and arrogance. I show love to everybody and all I get back is hate, from everybody. EVERY FRIEND I'VE HAD HAS BECOME AN ENEMY, WHETHER ITS NOW OR LATER. Mothafuckers be super jealous for no reason not knowing what i'm going through. So half the time, i'm tryna control myself from punching niggas in the mouth. And or Getting a gun and blasting myself. I talked to God yesterday in the shower and told him alotta shit on my mind. And his reply was, "Wait". I wonder what will make me happy, being ina fake world where everybody apparently loves you and at the same time nobody loves you. This fucking shit has ruined my life, i've ruined my life so it's obvious I want to die. I don't fucking care about fulfilling anything. Fuck a job, you gone die and have what? A hard unappreciated experience. And the way things looking for me I can't be a slave, I'll take the grave. Fuck the pain, the headaches, the insomnia, the libido, the thoughts, the memories, the everything. I'm going to complete two albums before I die. One rap and One rock. Then I will fill like i'm content and done with life. I got alotta shit to really say and getting it out is all I need to do. Til my bright side of suicide, Later