Painful

It's nothing to get on my knees and pray, but its a day.. That can't be replaced. I truly don't know how to be right now. The news I got this morning was terrible and now i'm stuck with no answers feeling guilt like everythings my fault. I foresaw some things in my past, but everythings just too much right now. I'm too numb to feel suicidal or I may just not have that in me anymore which I am grateful, but there is nothing motivational or inspiring about this. This is just sad. I'm in shock and can feel a deep depression getting ready to consume me. Over and Again. Over and over and over again. Fuck