if i could talk to adam... [paranormal conversation]

I'd tell him how fucked up this world is x whats thee real reason of things being how they are.. I'd tell him this world aint thee way people try to make it seem when your growing up, it's not a good place, this place is evil, & theres no loyalty nor integrity.. It's not a place where life is so cared about, thats why theres so many suicidal people, even you be tryna suffocate yourself as if you already know how bad this world is.. You care about thee people you care for, but they usually don't care about you thee same way. I kinna gave up on thee people i looked up too x cared about cus when i was doing something that might get me in trouble, nobody stopped me, or checked me like man you prolly shouldn't do that cus you dont want this to happen, ya knoww.... Never got no advice from people i care for when i really needed some straigtening out, instead they let me make mistakes x fall at thee highest peak.. i'm not tryna blame anybody for thee mistakes i've made.. i'm just saying if i seen a person about to try to jump out of a plane with no parachute, i'd prolly be like dude, you needa parachute, instead of just watching, letting them jump, & kill theyself. Thee deja vu of our situation is that my dad didn't want me either nor think i was his...prolly still don't even tho we look just alike, it use to bother me, but hey you can't stress it forever becus maybe it has nothing to do with you personally.. My dad never really gave, helped, or pushed me to do anything great with myself, just kinna sat back & did his own thang.. I'm not really mad cus i'm not thee type of person to blame my problems on not having a father around, thats weak shit. I mean my dad usta give me a little bit of money, but money don't mean shit to me.. I use to look up to my brother as my father until i snapped outtta that, & realized he's doing whats best for him x not really worryed about what i do, & thee things that might or might not fuck me up in thee future.. I feel bad for you tho man, cus you came into thee world ina bad situation.. Your moms just using you cus she don't feel anybody loves her so she parades you around like you some type of husband she'll never have, her parents are fucking dumb ass hell, they like grown ass 5 year olds. I'm not gonna say she wants me, but she uses you to have someone to feel involved with, i mean she prolly woulda hadda baby with anybody at this point in her life, so i'm not tryna tell you it's about me, cus it's not, i was just thee crash dummy that fell in thee pond of disaster. Honestly, i don't love you, mainly becus it's like how can i? When i'm forced into being a father to someones child who doesn't understand love in order to tell someone she loves them. I don't have any personal issues with you cus it's not your fault that thats your mother, it's really mines becus i shouldn't of had sex with her, but i was young, high, & angry so fuck it, i'm over that tho.. Thee thing is, your not suppose to just create life with random people, it's spose to be people you love, & people that love you back.. It's like how can you expect a person to wanna do something good when they're being forced to do so.. It's like if i told you, that i know you love basketball, but go play golf right now x be good at it.. Shit don't add up, it's bullshit! Fuckery! & i'ma real person, n i don't mean real in thee way these ignorant mothafuckers be portraying it, i mean like real as in i have emotions, feelings, & thoughts about shit. I'm thee type of person to stand for what i believe in. Meaning if i feel like i'm getting fucked, why would i smile about it x just act like everything is jolly okay to look good for "society". FUCK society, Society isa dumbass place, most these bitches just use dudes for money, i'm not saying this is thee case, it's rather for in search of love which is something she just can't seem to find from a regular dude, but mostly people use people when they can't get something, so they use you in order to get it.. It's all a game here, life isn't real, tis a board game with different players in it & thee creator up there watching how we work to defeat life. Honestly if your mother was thee person i'm in love with, i'd prolly be thee best dad to you that i can be, being with whatever i have or had to do, but if i'm being manipulated to be something i don't wanna be, i'm not gonna be it, & i dont give a fuck how anybody feels about it, thee fucked up thing is my mom even understands why i act thee way i do about this situation, if she felt i was doing something wrong, she would tell me, she doesn't bite her toungue x i don't neither. I'm sorry your in this sitatution man, but it's crazy shit this life i tell ya, your mom stay threatening me to send me to jail if i lack to pay child support, bringing niggas to my house, running around tryna make a connection with my so called "family", but my REAL family isn't gonna fuck with her, they're only gonna wanna see adam, they're not tryna involve her in seeing him, shit i gotta fucking be nice to this braud just to see you dude, it's wayyy too much uneeded bs with this & i'm not with it, it's just pushing me away even more. N dudes always wanna capitalize on what i'm not doing saying they would do it better, n so n so, but it's easy for a nigga to be around a baby thats not his, cus he knows he's not being forced to do it, & when he wants to leave, he can go.. It's easy to be a uncle, more difficult to be father, esp with this sitaution.. Mainly cus females insert ALOTTA bullshit you aint tryna deal with.. So fuck thee bullshit, & fuck everybody who feels a certain way about how i handle my bussiness, & fuck these bitches who get abortions n then act like they'll be such good parents if they hadda baby, but you know, bitches who get abortions are smart cus at least they're tryna have a baby when they're ready & with someone they love instead of just choosing someone telling you "no" from thee fucking start, & your saying, i don't need you or your money nigga, nor your help, but shit changes later down thee line i'm guessing. So therefore, i don't give a fuck about thee people who constantly suck my names dick in their conversational need of having something messy to talk about, FUCK YOU. I'ma pay my child spport in advance from now on, & not have this bitch bother me, & when your old enough, i'll teach you what you needa know bout life x help you do whatever you wanna do in this world adam.. I just refuse to be around fake people x their bulllshit, i'm pretty sure you'll understand when your old enough tho, especially with my blood in you